Celebrating Rachel--Florida Weekend

While I was worried about leaving to go to FL, once Libby was at Smokey Point, I knew she was in a safe place and would be there until I got home.  So I decided to go and be with my family.  It was a tender and beautiful weekend.  And, if you can afford it (we had one donated to our family) a VIP tour guide is THE WAY to do Disney World.  Wow.

Just a few days before we left, I called my dad and asked if he'd help buy a ticket to bring Ben along, since we were going to be in FL for his birthday, and Devin and Davey love Benny.  My generous dad made it happen.  And I was so glad to have him along for the ride! 

Rachel & Brad's Disney movie was Tangled.  So I made us shirts with the Tangled lanterns on them.  Most of ours said "Rachel" in the center of the lanterns.  Ben's said Ray, since I had to make it the night before we left (Derek had to venture into a craft store to buy the shirt, haha.)  The boy's shirts said, Mom.  

I took Dramamine, so in between taking calls about Libby and planning her discharge, I actually rode and enjoyed a bunch of rides. 

We went to the Universal City Walk for dinner on the 10th to celebrate Ben's birthday.  

These guys did such a good job singing! 

I think this moment was due to my thumbs up off to the side.  No regrets :)

The Airbnb Brad got us was amazing.  It had a great pool and it was huge.  Plenty of room for all of us, and I was reminded just how bad I am at pool. 

The celebration of Life was lovely.  So many friends shared at the open mic.  And the food was AMAZING!  These charcuterie cups were the bomb.  There was also plenty of leftovers that we ate over the next few days. 

She was so beautiful.  (Inside and out.) 

Benny got to open his b-day gifts! 

My friend Jen suggested that we make a quilt with Rachel's clothes for the boys.  Geneva and one of her good friends whipped these up in the weeks between when I came home on May 17th and when left again on June 9th.  Wow. 

I've had so much awesome Ben time lately!!  He's so great. 

I am so thankful for my family (and friends who are like family) helping me to weather the storm our family is facing--both the death of my amazing sister and Libby's struggles.  It's been hard to even write about--that's why it's taken so long to blog.  But we're getting through it.  One day at a time. 

5th Grade Camp 2023

We came home from Utah and I had just a few hours to turn around and be ready to head to 5th grade camp.  Then straight from 5th grade camp to FL for the Celebration of Life/Randall Disney Day.  (So I had to prep for 2 more sub days as well.) 

That Monday afternoon ended up being a very painful day for our family, as Libby had a mental health crisis that landed her at Children's hospital.  They ended up finding a bed for her at Smokey Point Mental Health Stabilization center.  We sat with her on Monday night and I went to be with her again on Tuesday morning before the ambulance took her to Smokey Point.  

The usual fun of 5th grade camp was interrupted by calls from Libby's therapist, psychiatrist, and case manager at Smokey Point, as well as lots of calls from Libby begging to come home.  I left camp on Wednesday night and made the hour and a 1/2 drive to Smokey Point for parent visitation while Derek went to Sarah's choir concert (where she won the Outstanding Musician Award).  Libby was still begging to come home.  But a nurse told her that with the 15 stitches on her arm from self inflicted wounds, she could end up with a court ordered 60 day stay.  Libby decided a 5-7 day stabilization stay would be better.  And over the days I was at camp and in FL, she seemed to improve with the addition of new meds and an awakening to how much she really did appreciate things in her life.  

I've never experienced a more painful week as a parent.  And I hope I never will.  More details on her continued treatment in other posts.  The time at camp was a nice distraction.  I enjoyed my students and the lovely hiking at Camp Waskowitz as much as a could through my haze of pain.  I told my students that Libby was in the hospital.  So they were sweet and kind.   Also a huge bonus, if you remember my camp experience last year--I didn't have the same troubles.  I didn't get lost (really lost anyway).  And only one small bee sting, no major wasps nest encounters.  Whew.  

Camp Waskowitz--the View from the Lookout Tower

Celebrating Rachel--Utah Funeral Weekend

 We spent Memorial Day at home working on catching up with life and preparing for Rachel's funeral weekends.  (Well Derek was working massively long shifts at Folk Life, but the rest of us...).   Honestly the weeks at home between being in FL and the funeral were a big blur of grief and work and struggle. 

We drove to Utah over 2 days so that we could get there early enough on Friday to have a big dinner with the family, help film the memorial video, and do a rehearsal for the cousins musical number.  We had Cafe Rio--one of Rachel's favs.  We got a chance to hang out with lots of cousins, aunts and uncles.  Rachel would have loved being there with all of us.

Cousin song rehearsal 

Because my parents are big into the Hale Theater, they donated 12 seats in the producers box to our family, so we (sadly) then rushed off to see the show.  Hello Dolly was AWESOME. Wow, wow.  I don't love the story, necessarily, but the show was amazingly well done. 

Thankful for my other "sisters" who came to help out. 

Randall/Harris Family

Egan/Upton/Curtis Family

Upton/Curtis cousins

Jane Batz (a Tolman cousin) was a sweet mentor for me in my teens. 

The day of the funeral was so so healing.  I felt like I was wrapped up in so much love.  We shared hugs and memories.  I had spent so much time planning the funeral and I was so pleased when it ran smoothly.n It was a little hard to hear Devin & Davy's song.  But the rest was good.  The luncheon was delicious.  The ward went all out.  I got to catch up with so many cousins.  I wish it hasn't been a funeral bringing us together.  But it was still so good.   

After the funeral & luncheon we went--where Randalls feel at home.  Rollerskating!  Classic skate for the win.  I got to wear Arvae's old skates.  They were so great.  I feel like the skates make such a huge difference.  

Then that night Dave convinced us all to go to Keys on Main.  My cousin Wes and his wife Jennifer & all the sibs and spouses went.  This ended up leaving Libby, Sarah & Ben watching most of the little cousins.  Which was less than ideal.  But they weathered the storm.  I also realized that I don't like bar food or bar atmosphere.  Definitely not the place to catch up and chill. I now have a NO BAR rule.  So next time I won't have to decide.  I was introduced to some of the most crude music I could have ever imagined.  Wow.  No thanks.

On Sunday it was my parent's stake conference.  We didn't want to sit through stake conference, since we had just done that (and ours was really great--so didn't want to tarnish that...) We decided to go to Music and the Spoken Word on temple square.  It was so awesome to be in the tabernacle and feel the spirit there.

We hung out until about 2 and then headed out.  We stopped in Boise and had dinner with the Judds.  Libby called her friend Quincy to come and see us too.  It was so good to see them too.  Then we drove on to La Grande (we decided we needed to upgrade from the Super 8 in Baker City.). The Best Western in La Grande OR was much better than the Super 8. We rolled in on Monday in time for me to write up my next sub plans (for the 12th and 13th when I'd be in FL), do laundry and pack for 5th grade camp.  Things went horribly awry.  But that's a post for another day.  I did end up getting to bed by around 12:30am with sub plans mostly done, funeral program & invitation made, and mostly packed for camp.

I'm so thankful for my family.

Rachel Randall Cottle 8-8-78 to 5-11-23

 When I scheduled my second trip to help Rachel, I had no idea that the help I would be giving what the writing obituary and funeral planning kind of help.  It was heartbreaking to learn that she passed away early on the morning I was leaving to go back to help her.  But I guess I kind of felt like she trusted me to come in and do that job for her, with Brad.  It was a special week to be there in FL.  Here are some of the things that resulted.

And I helped compile her obituary.  My mom had mostly written it, and Brad had some ideas too.  So I worked them in and refined it.

I also just loved on the boys!  Brad and I tried to help them have fun and experience joy--there's still so much joy in life, even when you are missing your mom.

Davey decided to start putting his head under the water at the pool.  Then he went big and even started jumping off the edge! 

Of course Devin was all in too! 

The boys went "camping" in the living room inside of suitcases--with every stuffie in the house.

We went to a pirate show. 

Davey got a skeleton monkey at the pirate show (named oo-oo).

ARGH! 

Insect Devin

Brad & the boys in the pool 

Davey jumping in the puddles made by the tech bleeding the fire hydrant. 

I've had many moments of tears.  And also moments of joy.  Rachel is with me.  She's with her boys.  And she's happy and free of pain.  So I can go on.  Even when it feels really hard. 

https://baldwincremation.com/obituaries/rachel-cottle/?fbclid=IwAR2bhd-c3T2LaFNXLVfgzSQDQfWNvFc8hLCNLBUa_vFAS7AU0K3Bs36gBEQ

Freestyle State & a Week of Concerts (and Rehearsals)

Well--we went for it.  And it was tough going!  Libby had 4 girls in her bracket, all state placers from last year.  And while she was on her 3rd freestyle tournament ever (and looked strong), she was outmatched.  I think she got pinned twice and teched twice.  It was fast and furious.  Seriously much faster than folkstyle.  So kind of less painful as a parent.  It's over in like 30-40 seconds sometimes. Needless to say, she won't be on the WA National Dual team.  (She needed to at least place and probably win at the tournament yesterday).  But after cutting weight all week, she's not that sad.  And I think she's fired up to get in the weight room before next season. 

Ben also lost 3 quick matches.  He's resolved to hit the weight room with dad too.  

Ben has an awesome war wound from practice this week.  It's hidden mostly by his glasses, but that's also making it quite painful.  

After Libby finished, I dropped them off at home and headed to the stake conference leadership session (which was awesome).  Then I left there as the closing song started to get to Sarah's final concert of the week.  Whew.  It was a busy day! Sarah had 2 rehearsals and 2 concerts this week.  One was with Camerata and the Michigan Men's Glee club (AMAZING!)  The other was with the Rainbow City Orchestra.  It was okay.  I think I might have liked it better if it hadn't come at the end of this very long week.  Thankfully we get a bit of a break.  Wrestling is officially over.  No more concerts for a minute. 

But I'm headed to Orlando on Thursday to be with Rachel for a week. So, no real rest for the weary.  

We also had an appointment with a new family therapist this week--to help Derek and I as we help Libby navigate her challenges with depression & anxiety.  I think she's going to be great.  Sarah had a dr. appointment this week because she's been randomly vomiting in the night for months now.  Ugh.  Her first set of tests came back clear. Now just need to submit that stool sample (when??) so they can test for some other things. 

So yeah...Busy busy.