Raising a Successful Wrestler

So I have never raised a teenager.  And before I had kids I remember watching people with kids and saying, "I won't ever let my kids do.....", or "My kids won't....", or "I won't feed my kids....."  And they did, and I did and I have learned not to judge the parenting efforts of others.  Or have I?  Because here is what could be construed to be a judgemental post.
But what I am trying to do is explain what I have seen as I have watched 13 seasons of wrestling teams come and go.  With wrestlers who won and lost.  What did the winners do that separated them from the mediocre?   It was certainly somewhat genetic.  Some kids are born athletes who feel pressure, love the intensity, and have natural strength and talent.  But here is what surprised me most.  The "losses" that hurt usually didn't take place on the mat, but in the practice room where a wrestler didn't give it his best effort and in the hallway where he decided not to come to practice.  Or in the classroom when he decided not to pay attention, or at home when he chose video games or recreational drugs over homework.  Or when he decided to binge eat instead of go for a run and didn't make weight at the tournament.  Then if and when he shows up, he is unmotivated, unprepared, and even ineligible for competition.  And that hurts.  It hurts the coach, who has been dreaming of and working hard toward success for the wrestler, it hurts coach's wife--who shares his pains and frustrations.  It hurts the team, who are dragged down by all of these behaviors and attitudes, and it hurts the wrestler, who now has a loss in his record that is far more profound than any loss in a match.

So what are my plans to raise a winner?  To create a positive culture in my home that will translate to a positive wrestler who helps the team win, on and off the mat?

Create a culture of work.  Yes, through requiring my kids to do chores I am helping them learn the value of hard work that they will hopefully take with them to the mat.  They also watch my husband and I work very hard at home, at church, and in our jobs.

Create a culture of learning.  We are a family that values learning.  Most Sundays we have a "Sunday Seminar" where the kids teach us a few things that they are learning in school to try and help them see the value of what they are learning.  I make sure I have time in my afternoon to help them with their homework.  We have fun learning about history as we drive and listen to CDs.  This will hopefully help my kids be prepared and excited for the academic challenges of high school so that grades are never an issue.

Create a culture of STAYING THE COURSE.  One of our family sayings is "Nortons Don't Quit."  That means we finish the season (soccer), or we finish the school year (piano), or we finish the race.  This is just an expectation.  And just showing up isn't finishing.  You have to continue to give it your all to the end.

Create a culture of parent support.  It is easy to support your kids when they are doing activities you are familiar with or enjoy watching.  But, when they choose something different, we support them anyway.  I am learning about the culture of gymnastics as my daughter has chosen that over dance (after she finished the beginner dance series).  It isn't easy for me, but I am giving it my all so she feels supported in what she is doing.  If your son chooses wrestling, learn the rules, attend the matches, cheer for him!  (And trust me, I know these tournaments get LONG!)

Create a culture of limits.  Kids need parents to set limits: limits to TV, limits to video games, limits to time with friends.  Even high schoolers need help getting to bed at a reasonable time and getting home by a curfew.  It's hard to spring this on them at 16 or 17.  We are starting now so that this will continue into high school.   Setting limits with older kids is possible--involve them in the process.  (See How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, and Listen So They Will Talk).

Create a culture of healthy living.  This starts with the parents.  Mom and dad should eat right and exercise so that when a child wants to participate in athletics it is already a part of the family culture. For wrestlers this is especially important since staying on weight matters.  We have just made a huge shift in our family's eating and it wasn't easy, but it is so worth it!

Create a culture of ZERO TOLERANCE for SUBSTANCE ABUSE.  This is (so far) an easy one for us since the hardest substance used around here is the occasional Monster when my husband works a double shift.  But over the years many of his wrestlers have lost out due to issues with drugs and alcohol.  Even if you drink or smoke or use recreational pot--your wrestler is not old enough.  Do not make it available, or condone this behavior.  And pay attention to the friends your wrestler associates with.  Have frank conversations.  Call in professionals if this is already a problem for your wrestler.

Create a culture of GOOD, BETTER, BEST.  When students have a full day of school, then practice, then homework, there isn't time for much else.  It is important to still have family time, friend time, some down time, etc.  I'm not looking forward to figuring out how to fit it all in (and still get sleep), but we are starting early to help our kids learn to do the things they have to get done first, then choose the best things they can do with the rest of their time.  Wrestling season around here spans Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Mid-Winter break.  We plan to build our family traditions around wrestling practice and tournaments so we can be winners.

Create a culture where you respect authority.  It is easy to trash talk a coach, or a teacher, or principal.  But if we are in the habit of this at home, it undermines the ability to learn from said coach, or teacher, or principal.  This is an especially hard one for me when it comes to teachers since I used to be one.  But if I want my kids to respect their teachers or coaches, it starts with me.

Create a culture of open communication.  And by this I mean communication with everyone for every activity your kid is involved in.  Have an email, a cell phone, and a facebook, and check them regularly.  Stay up to date with who your athlete's friends are, and who their friends' parents are through FB.  Make it easy for coaches to update you on practice changes by getting on the team group email.  Keep your cell phone with you.  Make sure you can receive texts.    

No parents are perfect.  This list is a compilation of the great qualities I've seen in the best wrestling families that have come through my husband's program.  I have tried to assimilate them into our family culture.  Some days I'm successful, other days it's more of a work in progress.  But when it comes to creating a culture of hard work and healthy living, this Norton isn't quitting.